The idiocy of some people never ceases to amaze me. Apparently some woman in Oregon has decided that she wants to parade during the fourth of July topless (link to story). It’s ridiculous that the law would actually allow something like this (I’m looking at Ashland, OR), but even more so that someone would make it their personal quest to take advantage of it during what should be a nice family-friendly event.
I understand that some will use the whole “freedom of speech and expression” thing, but that’s no excuse for this blatant stupidity. When did we throw common sense and good taste out the window?
Now, the last thing I have to say about this is that she’s ugly, which no one wants to see in the first place. There is no doubt in my mind about this. And if this statement seems presumptuous, I’m just freely expressing my thoughts.
I’ve been looking for this video for a while now, and I finally found it even though it has a huge watermark across it. It’s the commercial for Verizon Wireless’s Red Hot Deal Days starring none other than the happy ninja himself. Enjoy…
In true Bald Monkey fashion, I’ve found an article that is worth featuring here on The Milk Crate. Apparently the state of Arkansas made a slight mistake in one of the bills that was signed into law last year. Anyone of any age, even small children, could get married with parental consent. The law has since been repealed.
Being from Texas, this type of thing doesn’t surprise me coming out of Arkansas. So here’s the full story for your reading pleasure.
The results of a long awaited study are finally in. Many have observed this unusual phenomenon, but have typically just shrugged it off as nothing more than a mere coincidence. Well, the facts are in, and the findings have finally answered the question: “Are urinal stances somehow correlated to a man’s age?”
The study reveals that there are three main stances assumed by men while loitering in front of a urinal. These three stances are effectively referred to as the Focused, the Comfortable, and the Unashamed. As one ages, he will typically pass through all three of these stages, although in several rare cases subjects were observed to stagnate in the second stance/stage while others have progressed straight to the third from the first. The following are descriptions of each of the stances:
The Focused Stance
In this stance one stands before the urinal with a sense of purpose looking only straight ahead and occasionally glancing down assuring nothing is awry. Both hands in front of the person is the key feature of this stance. It can succinctly be described as “all business” and is usually assumed by those from the ages of adolescence through the mid to late thirties.
The Comfortable Stance
As the title suggests, this pose is more relaxed in nature and develops as one becomes more comfortable with their surroundings. The hallmark of this stance is only one hand (instead of two) in front of the person while the other hand is rested casually on the hip or haunches forming a triangle with the elbow and shoulder. The person’s eyes are usually wandering and the head will move from side to side. This stance is gradually accepted and later perfected by those in their late thirties through early sixties albeit with a greater standard deviation.
The Unashamed Stance
This stance is usually performed by the most experienced among us, although like was mentioned earlier, it has been seen in rare cases among a much younger demographic. In this stance, again one hand is in front but the other hand is found equally divided between two places. In some instances one’s elbow is rested on top of the privacy divider between urinals while in other cases the palm is placed firmly on the wall in front of the person as if to steady oneself. It also isn’t uncommon for minor audible heavy breathing or even slight groans to be heard.
Conclusion
As with most things, there are exceptions to these general stances, but now that you are aware of these recent findings, you don’t have to pass the thought over to coincidence. So how accurate are these results in your specific locale?
I thought I would introduce to you a relatively new blog that a buddy of mine started. It’s called The Bald Monkey and is mostly random thoughts from the author, not too unlike this site. If you’re not getting your fill of random information from this and other blogs, go check this site out. I will caution you however, he is a Packers fan…
Apparently there are some in the political realm that are more concerned with their appearance than just worrying about the issues while running for office. Dean Hrbacek is a Republican and former mayor from Texas who is running for congressional office. His campaign sent out a mailer that contains a photo of his head attached to a different body that just happens to make him look thinner than he really is.
His campaign has said that he’s been so busy that he didn’t have any time to pose for a full length photo for the mailer. For some reason I have a hard time believing this. I’m pretty sure that they were trying to put out a better image, but I suppose we’ll never know. I’m also a little disappointed that this type of thing would actually make a difference. But why else would they have done it? I wish people would focus more on issues and policy, but we’re such a superficial society.
As the political scene heats up even more with the presidential race, make sure you focus on what the candidates have to say, their track record, and their viewpoints instead of worrying about what they look like, how they talk or anything else that doesn’t matter. I would also urge everyone to register to vote if you haven’t already. You may not think that your vote will make a difference, but it’s what America is based on.
Alexander D. Smith has been charged with disorderly conduct and two counts of forgery because he tried to open a new account with a $1 million dollar bill. After the bank teller refused to open the account, he began cursing at the bank employees. There are so many things wrong here that you can actually feel right about calling the man just plain stupid.
In case you’re unaware, the Federal government has never printed a million dollar bill. This was probably the first thing that tipped the teller off to the fact that it was a fake. Obviously there wasn’t any research done on this fact. You’d think that at some point during the process of making the bill, the question might arise whether or not it’s an actual denomination.
After seeing the picture of the bill, I had to wonder how it got to be in such worn condition. I’ve seen a lot of one dollar bills in pretty bad shape, but the larger denominations such as fifties and hundreds are usually in pretty crisp condition due to the fact that they aren’t circulated as heavily. I must then extrapolate further that a million dollar bill would most likely be in mint condition and not all crumpled up.
I have to wonder how I would have handled the situation if I were the teller and was faced with this situation. I think I would have just stared back at the man in wonderment that he would even attempt such a stunt. It’s simply amazing what some people will come up with.
1. There is a sibling rivalry in Minneapolis over who can prepare the largest turkey. Rich Portnoy roasted a 72 pound bird which has bested the previous high of 47 pounds. He contacted the Minnesota Turkey Growers Association, bought a live turkey, and took it to a processor to have it made oven-ready.
As far as I’m concerned this is way too much effort to go through to prepare a Thanksgiving meal. I mean, it took three men to get the turkey out of the oven after roasting it for 15 hours.
2. And to finish the Thanksgiving experience, here is a quick video about a new way to eat your Thanksgiving dinner. I would also not recommend this, but…
If you’ve been eyeing a new car, why not go for broke and get yourself a new private jet. And not just any jet, the new A380 jumbo jet from Airbus. That’s what Prince Alwaleed bin Talal has done. He’s the 13th richest person in the world and apparently has nothing better to do with his wealth than buy the ultimate non-necessity. He’s also the largest single shareholder of the U.S. banking giant, Citigroup, and doesn’t seem to be too worried about the recent hammering the stock has taken.
If I were going after a private jet, I’m not so sure I’d buy such a large jumbo jet, but then again I haven’t given it too much thought. If that’s what he’s into, then more power to him.
A woman in Brooklyn found a snake her toilet one night. It was a seven foot python that she found poking out of her toilet in her apartment. Plumbers had to tear apart the pipes in the apartment below in order to extract the snake. I’m sure that it must have been a frightening experience, but this lady now has a great story to tell. She’s still a little spooked though because she now uses her daughter’s training toilet at night.
As interesting as this story may be however, I mostly just wanted the excuse to mention wrestling a snake on this blog. It’s a funny phrase. I don’t really have any more to say about it, but if you’re really interested in this story, you can read more about it here.
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The results of a long awaited study are finally in. Many have observed this unusual phenomenon, but have typically just shrugged it off as nothing more than a mere coincidence. Well, the facts are in, and the findings have finally answered the question: “Are urinal stances somehow correlated to a man’s age?”
